I have returned to college and have been working extremely hard on homework this week. One of my classes is extremely tough and quite frankly, I could use a few laughs! So, I decided to construct this blog post full of funny stuff. Some of the jokes are DID related, but others are just for fun! Enjoy, and try not to pee your pants with some of the jokes! Shirley
Doctor! Doctor! I think I’m
going crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear.
Amazing! so you have. How could that have happened?
I can’t understand it either,
because I planted cabbage!
- Fred: “Why are you so upset?”
- Harry: “My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning.”
- Fred: “So what?”
- Harry: “So she said to him, ‘Doctor, this is my husband.
You know, one of the men I’ve been telling you about’.”
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish
some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness,” said the student.
And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
“Elation,” said she.
“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas, “how about the opposite of woe?”
The Texan replied, “Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.”
No joke, just a panda. Awwww!
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.” The others agreed.
Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time, right now to hear each other out?”
The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.”
The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”
The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.”
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret…”
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
Doctor to patient number 1: “What are you doing?”
The patient #1: “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
The doctor then pointed at patient #2 to patient #1, “What is he doing?”
Patient #1: “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a
Doctor looking up and noticing Patient #2’s face getting all red: “If he’s your friend, you shouldn’t you get him down from there before he hurts himself”
Patient #1: “What? And work in the dark?”
Got to end with another panda! Awwww!