Further Words on Making the Decision to Live and Not Be Miserable

A further explanation of just what the hell I was talking about


My post about being miserable at Christmas being a choice has left a bad taste in many people’s mouth. I thought I’d write something to further explain what the hell I’ve been rambling on about.

The article I published yesterday wasn’t written to put people down, or to try and force folks to accept anything. It was written to start a thought, to plant a seed in my reader’s minds.

The reason I wrote it was that I have become aware in my interactions with others who live with dissociative identity disorder that there is a prevailing feeling amongst us that we deserve to choose to be miserable and god help anyone who in any way shape or form that we don’t. These folks are caught up in a stage of recovery where they cling to their victimhood as if it is a badge of honor.

I understand very well this mindset. I lived that way for decades! I wholeheartedly believed that I had a right to be mad at the world and that no one had a right to challenge that belief.

Did I have a right to be pissed at all of humanity for what had happened to me? Sure. I was discovering what had happened, and the sobering knowledge that no one had stepped in to help me when I was a helpless child and needed them. There were many adults who were aware that I wasn’t well, and that there was most likely abuse involved, but no one stepped in to save me. I was left alone to face horrible abuse.

It took me decades of treatment to let go of the victim mentality that kept me trapped in my own victimhood, and miserable. That belief system was not resolved overnight, and one should ever expect them to be.

If you reread the article from yesterday, you’ll see that I do not tell people they shouldn’t feel miserable at Christmas time, I make them aware that there is a different choice. I am qualified to write those words because I know it to be true from experience. I have endured several decades of psychotherapy, and because I was so challenged, the seeds were planted for me to break free from these self-defeating thoughts.

Having reached a stage of relative stability in my life, my quest is now to reach out to all who still suffer from the effects of childhood trauma, especially those who live with DID. Do I know all there is to know about recovery? Hell no. I’m not a mental health professional, I’m just a woman who has survived against tremendous odds and wants to help others to find the way out of their own prison.

Even though some who read my article from December 23, 2017, felt I was belittling their experience, and transferred their anger for the world at large onto myself for challenging their beliefs, I am confident seeds were planted that will spur growth.

I am not at all stating that you should, “pull yourself out of it”, or “forget what happened.” I would never say, “your suffering isn’t real”, or “forget your pain.”

What I am saying, however, is that life is a lovely adventure once you pull away from the anger and pain.

I am challenging everyone to just consider the possibility that I may be right. To peek around the corner of your mind and make believe that what I have said could be true.

You might be very surprised to find the light of life looking back at you, beckoning you to come on in, the water is fine.

Just think about it.

“You have to choose your path.
You have to decide what you wish to do.
You are the only person that can determine your destiny.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“It’s possible to remain long in the state of deprivation if you are not aware you can escape it. Knowing what exists and who you are is enough to inform you to make ideal choices.”
― Israelmore Ayivor


4 thoughts on “Further Words on Making the Decision to Live and Not Be Miserable

  1. Thank you for these posts and the loving reminder that we have choices. There was a time when I, too, would have been angry and hurt by your words because I wasn’t ready to hear them. Now I have come to realize that it is true. I have a choice whether to hold onto the identity being a victim or to become the person I want to be. Have a wonderful Christmas and a blessed New Year.


  2. I agree with you shirley everyone is in control of their own destiny, no one can change yo u you have to change and want to change your self. i have faith this will happen for us with more psychotherapy and processing of memories and then we will be able to heal the past. xxx


    1. Oh yes. That is exactly what I was trying to say. I got a lot of negative feedback from folks to misinterpreted my article as an attack, or trying to order them about. I need to choose my words more carefully in the future. Yes, we are in control of our own lives, and even more importantly, we and only we can make the choices to live and to get well. Thank you so much. I feel better reading your comment! Shirley

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