I’ve been talking to people about my life story for many years now. Recently I have begun trying to find someone who would be interested in writing a book and then a screenplay about my experiences. I think the true story of a person who lives with dissociative identity disorder would make one hell of a movie.
We Need A Truthful Movie
The problem is, would anyone believe the long, hard road someone who has survived the things I have actually happened? But I have decided, whether the public would believe my story or not, it would help a lot of people and open a public dialogue about child abuse, the resilience of the human mind and DID.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of Hollywood selling tickets by making up stories that are absurd about dissociative identity disorder and those it affects. The real story is dramatic and traumatic enough to keep people riveted to their seats and at times weeping in agony and joy.
My Life is One Great Example
Let me give you a brief outline of the movie of me.
- Age birth to fifteen years I was brutally and repeatedly abused and neglected
- Age 15 My father dropped dead in front of myself and my two brothers in our kitchen from what was believed to be a heart attack
- Age 15 I finally told other family members, who already knew about it, that one of my family members on my dad’s side was hurting me
- Age 15 I was disowned by the entire side of my father’s family, except for one cousin
- Age 20 I attempted to attend college in Ohio but couldn’t finish because of switching
- Age 24 I began using prescription pain killers to drown the voices
- Age 28 I began to have flashbacks and nightmares of events from those first fifteen years
- Age 29 I began therapy with Paula, my first and best therapist, diagnosed with DID
- Age 29-39 I was hospitalized for suicidal ideations over thirty times
- Age 33 I got married while dissociated into an alter. I literally woke up married.
- Age 35 I lost three days dissociated into someone.
- Age 36 I lost Paula to a bankruptcy involving the clinic where she worked
- Age 36 I tried to die by suicide. Went to the state mental health hospital for four months.
- Age 39 I had a stroke while outside in December when it was 14 degrees and snowy outside. I had frostbite on all my fingers and both thumbs on both hands
- Age 40 I got divorced after eight years of being married to a man I didn’t love
- Age 45 I entered a long-term psychiatric facility where I lived for seven years
- Age 45 I dissociated and lost two years of my life
- Age 52 I finally left the long-term facility and entered a group home
- Age 53 I left the group home and moved in with my alcoholic brother who at the time was sober over a year and his new wife
- Age 54 My sister-in-law miscarried my nephew Jimmy and all hell broke loose. My brother began to drink heavily again, my sister-in-law totally withdrew, and I began to use prescription drugs more than ever before.
- Age 54 I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had two surgeries to remove my right breast
- Age 54 My best friend of over twenty-seven years died from Leukemia
- Age 55 I lost ten months of my life after my nephew Michael Junior was born
- Age 56 I finally got sober from prescription pills.
- Age 56 Paula retired in September of that year. I miss her still.
That is Only a Brief Outline, But I’m Not Unique
I’m not even sure where a movie would begin to tell you the truth, and what would need to be omitted.
The truth, the honest to God truth. That’s what needs to be made into a movie or book and distributed far and wide. People need to know that we are not nuts, we are the products of our traumatic environments and I dare them to say we could have done better. As children we were not cherished, loved, respected or even in some cases tolerated. We were used by evil people for their own pleasure to fulfill their own sick needs. Period.
We did not cause us to develop Dissociative Identity Disorder, they did.
On An Up Note
Happily, my story has gotten better. I didn’t mention in my outline that I regained access to services from Paula shortly after I moved in with my brother. She helped me through some of the hardest times since my twenties. Not only did I survive the breast cancer, but I also overcame my long-time addiction to prescription medications. That’s a battle I still have to fight, but I’ve been sober for three years now.
I now spend my days at my computer doing all I can to help others. I have so much experience to share due to my wide range of experiences in both mental and physical health problems.
Can You See the Movie?
Can you see people raging with anger in the beginning, feeling overwhelmed with disbelief in the middle, and then crying tears of joy at the end? I can, and I think it would make one whale of a movie.
I’m not unique. There are millions of people just in the United States who live with DID, and you all have experiences that would make great films.
We need to get the truth out there, and make Hollywood stand up and notice that the truth is more powerful than the made-up stories they traditionally have used to portray DID.
“I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So, I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?” John Lennon