Life isn’t fair or easy for anyone, I’ve established that as my main theme in life today. However, I spent many decades trying to force life to move faster, slower, bend or unbend to match my idea of perfection.
Then the truth hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks, I need to accept life on life’s terms. That is what this article is about, accepting our lives as they are before we push ahead to the future.
Trying to Push and Shove Life
When I entered therapy, I believed that I would one day be perfectly “normal” and having a perfect life. I dreamed of marrying and having a slew of children, but when it became apparent that my life wasn’t going to turn in that direction I decided subconsciously to try and force it to happen.
The results were a disaster for myself and for the man whom I married.
Not only did I get married in a dissociated state waking up on my wedding night, but I hurt a person who was an innocent bystander to the tragedy of what had happened to me as a child. We did try to get pregnant, but luckily for any child that may have issued from that wreck of a marriage, I was incapable of doing so. The damage internally from my abuse history was too great.
We divorced in 2011, one week before the terrorist attacks on New York. I related to those towers falling as my dreams had come crumbling down too.
What I’ve Found About Life
As I have stated at the beginning of this article and other places on my blog, life isn’t easy, and life isn’t fair. This is a truth for every human alive or who has ever lived. We are not responsible for who our parents are or what they do for a living. Nor are we responsible for our upbringing. However, if we don’t take the reigns today and walk forward to make a better tomorrow, we are doomed to live our lives in utter misery.
It is What it Is
There are many aspects of my life I am not happy with. I have one breast, live in poverty, can’t work, am confined to a wheelchair, and have a myriad of medical problems. But you know what? It is what it is. I can’t fix my body or my mind as I’d wish. I live with this stupid DID and all the bells and whistles that come along with polyfragmentation.
The only way to have any happiness is to sit back, kick up my feet in my recliner, and accept the things I cannot change. I know, the Serenity Prayer, that’s what I’m talking about, you might be saying. And I answer a resounding YES.
Accepting the things you cannot change and changing the things I can plus knowing the difference is the key to happiness. I mean, money, fame, or anything else will not make me happy and neither will dwelling on the things I do not have. No, I choose to relax and enjoy life on life’s terms.
Not Settling for Less
When I speak of acceptance, I’m not talking about settling for less. If you have a talent or ability then use it and climb to the next level if you so desire. Settling for less than the utmost you can aspire to will lead to regrets and lack of peace.
However, knowing the difference between what you can and cannot change (again the Serenity Prayer) is vital to leading a happy life. Life doesn’t hand you what you want out of your time on this planet, sometimes you have to get out there and advocate for yourself. That, however, does not mean killing yourself working at a job or marrying just because you think it is necessary to be happy.
Not settling for less than you can achieve is very important and I certainly will not do it. I will work well within my abilities and means to improve myself and make the best of the days I have left.
You Can Be Happy, It’s Okay
I think that sometimes we get stuck thinking that we need to remain miserable because that is the lot we were dealt in life. That’s not true. Life is pretty much what you make it. If you make it a life where you chase your dreams and accept the ones you achieve along with the ones you don’t, you’ll find happiness. If you don’t, you will not find happiness.
It’s as simple as that.
Chase your dreams, look at the beauty around you, take a deep breath, feel the love of your children or significant other, AND LIVE.
“Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”