What’s red, white, blue and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam.
The 4th of July is the day that Americans celebrate their freedom by sitting trapped in traffic jams for hours.
What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on their face and the other has their face on a bill.
There was one little boy in the teacher’s class who really struggled to learn.
One day the teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence, and of course he didn’t know.
The teacher asked him every day for a week but still he couldn’t give the right answer.
Finally, in desperation, she called the boy’s father to come and see her. She said to him, “Your boy won’t tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence.”
The father said to his son, “Come here, boy, and sit down.”
The boy duly did as he was told and then his dad said to him, “Now if you signed that stupid thing, just admit it so we can get out of here.”
How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions.
What’s red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.
Nothing says “Happy 4th of July” like passing down to your children the tradition of drunkenly blowing off your fingers with fireworks made in China.
Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
At the chopping mall.
Independence Day was approaching, and the teacher took the opportunity to teach her class all about patriotism.
She said to them, “You know, we live in a great country. And one of the best things about it is that we are all free.”
At this, a little boy marched up to her from the back of the class, put his hands on his hips and said angrily, “I’m not free. I’m four.”
What do you get if you cross a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Independence Day is the day that Americans proudly wave their American flags that were made in China.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What do you get if you cross George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country.
Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York harbor?
Because she can’t sit down.
I just bought a car flag for Independence Day for just two dollars.
Now I just need to buy a car and I’m all set…
What did one American flag say to the other?
Nothing, it just waved.
What did one firecracker say to the other firecracker?
My pop’s bigger than your pop.
Seriously, I wish you and yours a safe and fun Independence Day here in the United States July 4th. Despite our many problems, the United States is full of folks who would stand up and defend their country with their very lives should that become necessary.
May God bless our military men and women who have given up careers and families to serve and protect their country, my family and me. We honor you ladies and gentlemen with all our love, affection, and respect.
God bless America.