What is the motivation
For me to take my next breath?
Is it because I feel safe?
Or that I feel free and have hope?
Can I start my life over?
Can I choose better parents?
Will I have a loving relationship?
Kids, a career, self-esteem?
Can I erase my childhood?
Can I make them love me?
Life is what I’ve been dealt.
There are no second chances.
I live because I don’t know how not to.
I live on because I am too stubborn
To let the bastards win
I live because it is the only thing I know how to do
Can I escape?
Can I die early?
Sure, my name would fit nicely on a tombstone.
I won’t give in to the demands
Or allow the pain of the past to rule my life
Nor will I allow them to dictate my death
I will not and cannot surrender
Even though the pain is too great to bear
I am too hard-headed to quit
I live on to smear my life the in the faces
Of the family who disowned me
With every word I write and every breath I take.
I live on to be a witness
To what my abusers did to me
They will not escape unscathed
They pay for what they did
With every breath, I continue to take
Because I defy them
I live on because I don’t know how not to
I find myself caught up in the maze
Of life and what it brings
No one has it easy
And life is unfair to all
This I have come to accept
I will live on for a few years
Until my body dies
A casualty of lust and narcissism
I live on because I hate them
Plain and simple
For what they did to me
May they all burn in hell
I will on my death bed curse their names
I will never allow those still live
Who harmed me in my innocence to forget
I live on to prove a point
That although you think you have won
And believe you are right
When what I see are damaged people
Not wanting to admit the truth
People who disowned a little girl
May you die horrible deaths
For what you have done to my soul
For the loneliness, you have brought me
May you know the pain of rejection
The broken heart and the broken spirit
You have cast onto me
I owe you NOTHING
I am going to continue telling the TRUTH
And no one, no one will make me silent
Grandpa died in the 90s
Alone in a nursing home
I got my justice when he took his last breath
He missed out on the love
That I felt for him
He missed out because of his lust
He tossed away what could have been
A grandfather’s greatest gem
A granddaughter who grew up happy
He chose to make my life a living hell
Instead of a safe haven from the world
He chose to sell me to his friends
I live and smear the truth and my life in your eyes
I live on to curse you, my father’s family
To watch the fate that awaits you
I am certain you will suffer
And that feels good.
You self-titled “victims”
Hiding from the truth
It will come back to haunt you
I promise you that.
I am alive because of my anger
I am alive because of my rage
I am alive because it is the best revenge
I can get against you
I live on because of the flame
That burns hot against that old man
Who would not keep his lust to himself
I received a horrendous wound but did not die
My heart is strong and my will unbeaten
You disowning me only fueled my fires
He was a wicked bastard
Who god should never have allowed to live
He should have never taken his first breath
I live on to reveal my anger
I live on to say these words
I live on because I refuse to die you mother fucker
I rail against the old man
I rail against his god
I rail against his lust toward me
I am the only one who has told the truth
About what he did
And I will NEVER be silent!
Many people know what he did
Many people know of his wickedness
Many people know of your shameful behavior
I live on because I want to hurt you
Like you have harmed me
With my living, I shout the truth
I live on because of my rage
Because of the past, I cannot change
Because of the hope, I have lost
I live on because I get revenge
With every heartbeat
With every word
I hate you
I love you
I am your worst nightmare!
“Unspeakable feelings need to find expression in words. However, verbalization of very intense feelings may be a difficult task.”
~ James A. Chu